if you're in a shitty relationship, get the fuck out of it. NOW. simple.

sinking in summer death
struggling for an ounce of breath
drowning in fluid, over my head
are we alive, or are we dead?

is that blood or water that I taste?
don't let a single drop go to waste
together we fill our lungs deep
make love like death, fuck us right to sleep

I've always been your girl,
playing in the motorcade
scars decorate my legs
from running through razor blades

anything to reach you
I've swallowed a hundred knives
a little mercy might kill you
we're down to taking lives

you have another drink
my grey matter's turning black
I sit and try to think
but I crack and crack and crack....

Tap My Light (Until It Goes Out)

Tangle me up inside
Tap my light until it goes out
Twist yourself up inside me
Tap my light until it goes out

Surround me with beauty
Bathe in the glow until it fades
Shower me with whiskey
Swim in the nectar, watch out for the blades

I've got five years left at most
I'll kick and scream and blow
A kiss and soothe you
Make you laugh before I go
I have no shame now,
I have no fear now,
The sadness crushes me,
But I'm just smiling upside down

(Tap my light until it goes out
Tap my light until it goes out)

Kiss me with dancing
Hold me with your voice
Fool me with compliments
Pretend I have a choice

A body built for pleasure
Knows far too much of pain
Tap me tap water faucet wash over
Showers of pleasure like rain

I've got five years left at most
I'll kick and scream and blow
A kiss and soothe you
Make you laugh before I go
I have no shame now,
I have no fear now,
The sadness crushes me,
But I'm just smiling upside down

Light at tunnel's end is a train
I can't get out of the way
I'm not scared of it anymore.
Just hold my hand while I make this play.
Just hold my hand while I make this play.
Just hold my hand while I make this play.

Tangle me up inside
Tap my light until it goes out
Twist yourself up inside me
Tap my light until it goes out

Tap my light until it goes out
Tap my light until it goes out
Tap my light until it goes out
Tap my light until it goes out
........

(written by Hannah Shmulsky, 7/29/11. steal my lyrics and I'll kill you horribly. ok? cool.)

This Equation (lyrics post)

I choose which ones I loved
among the ones I’d be ashamed to say I loved
the rest I speak of with indifference
it’s all the same to me
no truth can set me free
once I cut the ties, the lies and the truth are all the same, anyway.

where do you fit in this equation
where do you fit in this equation
where do you fit in this equation
where do you fit?
(I choose evasion)

where do you fit in this equation?
you ask me low and slow...
I say “baby, I don’t know”
what I mean is, I know full well,
but baby, I will never ever tell.... 

what’s loved and then lost
whatever the cost
can never be forgotten
lest you forfeit the lesson

what’s given and taken
and later forsaken
and left in tatters...
all of this matters.
pick up the pieces,
after it shatters.
glued all together,
the former, the latter.
all of this matters.
all of this matters.

I’ll always remember.

Solitary: Poem/Song

I never form bonds
without wondering
when they will break

I never take on
'til I know how much
of the strain I can take

I'm never the one
being left on the stairs
begging you to stay

no one leaves me
I'm always the one
who's walking away

I've been self-contained
in my plexiglass brain
no one can get through my shield

and who crosses the line
of high voltage defense
gets fried in the electron field

you're the exception
to my perfect rule
you've spoiled my plan

you got past my walls
so I'll make you pay
the best that I can

H. Shmulsky, 2010 

---

There once was a princess who lived in a shelter....who muchly feared the mop...

And she wore a great deal of purple.
Actually, to say she wore a great deal of purple is like saying "A keeshond dog wears a great deal of fur."
She had purple hair down the middle of her back. But she didn't, really. It was just a wig, and she wore it about once a week at most. She had other wigs, too. A black one with bangs that made her look like Jenny Schecter, the psychotic bisexual from The L Word. A blonde streaky one that was very Californian. A long white-blonde one with aqua highlights---a Portia de Rossi hairdo, if someone puked up blue Icee on her. (Poor Portia. Can you imagine if someone ACTUALLY puked up an artificially-colored beverage on her pristine platinum head?? My god. To even think of such a thing is just...horrifying...)

Anyway, enough about the princess's wigs.

This princess had a back injury. Her psoas, iliacus and pirifomis muscles were constantly inflamed, in spasm, etc...basically, my friends, these muscles were NAUGHTY. If I recall correctly, they had a condition called tendonitis. And they had the rudeness to be located deep within the body, near the hip joint, out of reach of any cortisone needle, out of easy reach of a masseuse's healing hands....for years, the princess suffered with this affliction, and no healer could make it go away permanently. Oh yes, it would subside and fade off for months at a time, only to recur when she decided to bend a certain way to plug in a DVD player or pet the cat or, heavens forfend, climb the stairs. It even happened once in her sleep!!

She railed at the gods, the angels, the spirits, saying: "Not cool, you assholes. Not cool. If I were a being with special powers, I would not put people through this shit. You bastards are really creative."

The princess's housemates started to notice after a few weeks that she wasn't really doing her chores as scheduled. They also noticed that she was moaning and groaning and sitting about with ice packs on her arse, but they didn't really put 2+2 together. So they started dropping hints. The princess was out of her league on this one, and a bit afraid that she might be shoveled into the dungeon for failure to participate appropriately.

So the princess sat in her highly-decorated gypsy-bohemian cave at the top of the stairs, fans blowing, rain falling outside, on July 3rd, and wondered...."what shall I do about this impending chore drama?"

To be continued.